I forgot how cold it could get in Bryer’s End. The heavy black jacket I wore over my wool sweater was hardly enough to keep me warm as I walked from the bus stop to the café. It wasn’t a long walk—about five minutes— but the icy air elongated each step. I had my blue Covid mask on over my face. I didn’t need to be wearing it, technically, because by now most of the population had been vaccinated. I kept it on because the hot air from my breath became trapped between the fabric and my skin, giving me extra warmth.
My heart began pounding in my chest as I approached the door. This was it. I was finally going to see her again. With my gloved hand, I turned the metal doorknob and entered the building. It was a small shop, with warm mahogany walls outlining the room. Two couches took up most of the space at the front with a table in the middle covered in various board games. I hardly noticed the two elderly women playing Scrabble as my attention was elsewhere.
I saw her almost immediately. She was sitting at a table near the counter sipping a mug of what I would only guess to be Earl Grey tea. She loved Earl Grey tea. The bells on the door chimed as I walked in, prompting her to look up from her drink and catch my eye. She smiled, putting the mug down. I had almost forgotten how beautiful she was.
Taking off my hat, gloves, and mask, I walked over to where she was seated. She stood up, pulling me tightly in an embrace. I inhaled the subtle scent of flowers on her skin.
“Darren, it’s so good to see you,” she said.
I stroked her back, absorbing her warmth. “And you, Lil,” I replied. “You look as gorgeous as ever.”
She chuckled while pulling away from the embrace. “Oh stop it,” she said.
I shrugged. “It’s true.”
Her face had flushed a bright pink as her hazel eyes met mine. I had never understood what she saw in me— an average looking guy, not particularly tall, with no muscle to speak of. My jet black hair was uncontrollably curly and my jawline wasn’t chiselled. She could have had any man she wanted, and yet, she liked me. If I was a religious person I would pray to God every day in gratitude.
A plump barista came over to the table to ask what I wanted.
“Dark roast, black,” Lilly chirped before I could say anything.
I smiled. She had remembered my order.
Lilly turned her eyes back to me. She started stroking her chestnut hair which had grown at least five inches since the last time I had seen her. I knew she only stroked her hair when she was nervous. I wanted to tell her she didn’t need to be. It was me, after all.
Before I could utter a word, however, she opened her mouth to speak. “How’ve you been? How’re your grandparents?” she asked.
“I’ve been alright… getting used to the world being back to normal again… My grandparents are good. All settled into their care home.”
She smiled. “I’m glad they’re alright. It was great that you were there for them…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. I didn’t tell her part of me wished I didn’t have to care for them because that would have meant I wouldn’t have had to leave Bryer’s End… I wouldn’t have had to leave her.
What’s it like being back?” she asked.
“Odd,” I answered. “So much time has passed, and yet it feels like I’ve never left.”
She nodded. “I get that.”
“How’s your mom?” I asked her.
She paused before answering as if she was reliving the memory. Her mom was an ER doctor who contracted Covid-19 and was in the hospital for two months at the beginning of the pandemic. “She’s doing great. Working a lot. I think this whole experience has made her really value what she does to save lives. I mean, she knew before, but now it’s… different.”
I took Lilly’s hand from across the table in comfort. “I understand.”
She looked down at our hands on the table for a brief moment before pulling hers away and using it to cup her mug. I was initially curious at her reaction but dismissed the thought as she started to speak again.
“How long are you here for?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “There’s a lot of things up in the air right now.” A lot of things meant her. Lilly didn’t know it, but whether or not I stayed in Bryer’s End was completely dependent on the result of this meeting.
“Right,” she said, confused. “Have you spoken to Alex?”
“Of course. She offered her place for me to stay, actually.”
“Oh?”
“I didn’t take her up on it,” I quickly responded. “I had already agreed to stay with Amir.”
Lilly’s expression softened ever so slightly. Even though the four of us— Lilly, Alex, Amir and myself had all been friends from college, Alex and I still had a romantic past. Lilly had always struggled to move past it. The news that I wasn’t staying at my ex-girlfriend’s place seemed to bring her relief. I took her jealousy as a positive sign.
The barista set a mug of bold-scented coffee in front of me. I thanked her and took a sip, allowing the bitter taste to envelope my tastebuds. I then looked up from my mug to see Lilly staring at me.
“Do I have something on my nose?” I joked.
She chuckled. “No… it’s just that I…” She looked down at her tea. “I’m... sorry.”
I furrowed my brow. “Sorry for what?”
Lilly took a deep breath and continued. “I’m sorry for not trying hard enough… at the long-distance thing.”
I paused for a moment before putting the hot cup of coffee down. “No. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was,” she demanded, looking back up at me. “I stopped talking to you. I became distant. It was me.”
“Lilly,” I began, gently, “it was a Global frigging pandemic. Your mother was in the hospital and we didn’t know if she’d make it. A guy you only just started dating a month before had to move back to his hometown to look after his elderly grandparents. The world was a shitshow.”
Lilly looked back down at her beverage as I spoke. When I finished, silence filled the space around us. Only the sounds of soft chatter from other patrons hummed in the distance. After what could have been hours she spoke again, her voice almost sounding forlorn. “A guy I only dated for a month?”
“You know what I mean,” I said, calmly. “Officially dated.”
“Right,” she nodded, still frowning ever so slightly. We both knew very well that what we had with one another began long before I finally got the courage to ask her out.
After a slight pause, her eyes lit up as if remembering something. “Oh, I almost forgot,” Lilly said as she reached into the black purse beside her. Curiosity tickled me, causing me to sit straight up in my chair and lean closer to her. Her hand finally emerged with two very familiar looking objects. They were two almost-identical glass penguins. The only difference between them was the names painted on each of their bellies. I recognised them instantly.
“Harry and Sally,” I said smiling. I had given them to Lilly before I left as a nod to her favourite film When Harry Met Sally. We had said we were the real-life versions of the characters, after being friends for years before falling in love. They were penguins because on our first date we went to the aquarium where we spent ages admiring the penguins swimming and waddling around on the ice.
Lilly handed the figurines over to me and said, “I want you to have them.”
My heart dropped in my chest. I shook my head and pushed her hand away forcefully. “No, I gave them to you.”
We exchanged eye contact and for a moment it was two years ago. There wasn’t a pandemic or any suffering at all. It was just Lilly and me about to start the romance of a lifetime...
Her eyes ripped away from mine forcing me back to reality. “Darren, I—”
“Let’s start again… where we left off,” I pleaded, gently grabbing her arm. “I can move back to Bryer’s End. I’m making good money as a freelance writer now so I can live wherever I want. We can finally have a chance at a future together.” She stared at me as I spoke, her body completely frozen. “These last two years have been hell without you, Lil. I’ve missed you… I’ve missed my best friend.”
“Darren, I…” she began after a heavy silence. Her voice was barely audible. “I’m... dating someone else.”
It took me a couple of moments to fully register what she had said, but once I did, her words were a dagger in my gut. I could feel my heart ripping apart inside my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she continued, “it just sort of… happened.” She interlocked her hand with mine, which had lost all colour. I could only imagine my face looked equally as white.
“How did you meet him?” I croaked.
“Her. It’s a she.”
“Oh.” Lilly had told me she was pansexual at the beginning of our friendship, although it was a fact I had completely forgotten about until that moment.
“She’s a nurse at the hospital,” she began, “when my mom was really ill I couldn’t go in and see her so Melanie had to call me to give me updates. She was really sweet over the phone. Her calls became regular and we got to know each other…”
“That’s why you became distant with me,” I said. It all made sense. About two months into the pandemic Lilly started cancelling our video chats and ignoring my texts. She let our relationship fade because she was distracted by someone else.
“I’m sorry, I should have said something,” she pleaded, tears emerging from her eyes. “But I didn’t want to hurt you… the way you spoke about our relationship, it was like you believed we were soulmates or something. I didn’t want to break your fantasy… because… because... there were some moments I thought we could be, too.
“Could be what?” I could feel the coldness of the words as they left my mouth.
She looked at me, tears staining her face. “Soulmates.”
I broke my hand away from hers and cupped my face in my hands. “Soulmates don’t exist.”
Another heavy silence stung between us. My eyes were still glued to my hands when she spoke, this time, more valiantly. “I’m sorry, Darren. I was a coward.”
I didn’t respond. I just sat there, unable to speak or move.
“I understand if you don’t want to talk right now,” she continued. “It’s a lot to process.” She stood up, grabbing her coat. “I’m going back to mine. If you want to meet up before you fly out I’d love to see you again. I miss my friend, too.” With that, she walked out of the café, leaving the two glass penguins sitting on the table.
As I approached Amir’s apartment it had started to snow. All I wanted was to go inside and crawl under the warm bed sheets, but I knew my friend would be waiting inside wanting to chat. He must have known about Lilly long before I arrived back in Bryer’s End.
Amir was sitting watching the basketball game with a beer in his hand when I walked through the door. He sat up on the sofa, promptly turning off the TV.
“How did it go?” he asked with sincerity.
“As good as you can probably imagine,” I replied simply, heading to the fridge. I was suddenly craving a beer, as well.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Lilly,” Amir said. “She made me promise not to say anything.”
“I’m not mad at you, bro, don’t worry,” I sighed, taking my first swig of the cold liquid. I knew the position Amir had been in was awkward. If anything, I was mad at myself for clinging to an idealisation for two years. How could I have been so stupid?
“If it makes you feel any better she hasn’t been able to shut up about you ever since she knew you were coming.” Amir was standing now, his tall lanky body walking towards me.
“That doesn’t make me feel better,” I said plainly.
“Oh…” He looked down at the floor. “She really missed you—we all did.”
“Yeah, well… at least you guys had each other.”
Amir looked at me, sadness in his eyes. After a few moments he said softly, “she’s really happy with Melanie.”
I sighed. “Great.”
“No, really,” he insisted. “After you guys broke up she was miserable. I’ve never seen her so upset. Especially after what she went through with her mom… Melanie helped her through it. I mean, we all did… Alex and me, I mean. But Mel was really there for her.
Mel. He used the short form of her name. That’s how friendly she apparently was.
“I don’t know, I finally said. “It’s just a lot for one night.”
Amir nodded. “I understand.”
With one last swig of my beer, I headed up to the spare bedroom where I started getting undressed. I felt the hard surface of glass in my jean pockets. I took out the penguins and looked at them for a good few minutes. Harry and Sally. They were best friends who fell in love with each other. They were supposed to be together forever. Penguins mate for life, after all.
I awoke the next morning with the sun beaming through the bedroom window. The events of the previous evening swarmed in my head like hot lava. The first things I saw when I opened my eyes were the penguins standing on the bedside table. I sighed and slowly got out of bed. I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Lilly’s place wasn’t too far from Amir’s. We used to walk back and forth between the apartments repeatedly when I lived in Bryer’s End. It had snowed a good two inches overnight and my boots were soaked by the time I reached her building.
“Darren, what are you doing here?” Lilly asked when she opened the door. She was wearing her floral housecoat. I suddenly realised it was still probably a bit too early to be making unexpected house calls.
“You invited me, remember?” I replied with a grin.
She laughed. “I did.” It was obvious she wasn’t expecting me to be this cordial. “It’s good to see you. Want to come in?”
I shook my head. “No, I just came to give you this.” I held out my right hand which clutched one of the penguins.
She frowned. “I told you I wanted you to keep those.”
“No,” I shoved the penguin in her hand. “You keep this one. It’s Harry. I want you to keep him… to remember me. And I’ll keep Sally to remember you.”
She looked at the glass figurine in her hand, a smile again reached her ears. “Thank you.” She squeezed it tightly and looked up at me. “I’ll take good care of him. Promise.”
A tear rolled down her cheek which I swiftly wiped away. After a long embrace, I left her there, holding the penguin. A lump formed in my throat as I walked away from her building. Maybe Lilly and I weren’t meant to be soulmates in the romantic sense. Maybe we were just meant to be soulmates as friends. That was enough for me. It had to be.
The End
My heart began pounding in my chest as I approached the door. This was it. I was finally going to see her again. With my gloved hand, I turned the metal doorknob and entered the building. It was a small shop, with warm mahogany walls outlining the room. Two couches took up most of the space at the front with a table in the middle covered in various board games. I hardly noticed the two elderly women playing Scrabble as my attention was elsewhere.
I saw her almost immediately. She was sitting at a table near the counter sipping a mug of what I would only guess to be Earl Grey tea. She loved Earl Grey tea. The bells on the door chimed as I walked in, prompting her to look up from her drink and catch my eye. She smiled, putting the mug down. I had almost forgotten how beautiful she was.
Taking off my hat, gloves, and mask, I walked over to where she was seated. She stood up, pulling me tightly in an embrace. I inhaled the subtle scent of flowers on her skin.
“Darren, it’s so good to see you,” she said.
I stroked her back, absorbing her warmth. “And you, Lil,” I replied. “You look as gorgeous as ever.”
She chuckled while pulling away from the embrace. “Oh stop it,” she said.
I shrugged. “It’s true.”
Her face had flushed a bright pink as her hazel eyes met mine. I had never understood what she saw in me— an average looking guy, not particularly tall, with no muscle to speak of. My jet black hair was uncontrollably curly and my jawline wasn’t chiselled. She could have had any man she wanted, and yet, she liked me. If I was a religious person I would pray to God every day in gratitude.
A plump barista came over to the table to ask what I wanted.
“Dark roast, black,” Lilly chirped before I could say anything.
I smiled. She had remembered my order.
Lilly turned her eyes back to me. She started stroking her chestnut hair which had grown at least five inches since the last time I had seen her. I knew she only stroked her hair when she was nervous. I wanted to tell her she didn’t need to be. It was me, after all.
Before I could utter a word, however, she opened her mouth to speak. “How’ve you been? How’re your grandparents?” she asked.
“I’ve been alright… getting used to the world being back to normal again… My grandparents are good. All settled into their care home.”
She smiled. “I’m glad they’re alright. It was great that you were there for them…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. I didn’t tell her part of me wished I didn’t have to care for them because that would have meant I wouldn’t have had to leave Bryer’s End… I wouldn’t have had to leave her.
What’s it like being back?” she asked.
“Odd,” I answered. “So much time has passed, and yet it feels like I’ve never left.”
She nodded. “I get that.”
“How’s your mom?” I asked her.
She paused before answering as if she was reliving the memory. Her mom was an ER doctor who contracted Covid-19 and was in the hospital for two months at the beginning of the pandemic. “She’s doing great. Working a lot. I think this whole experience has made her really value what she does to save lives. I mean, she knew before, but now it’s… different.”
I took Lilly’s hand from across the table in comfort. “I understand.”
She looked down at our hands on the table for a brief moment before pulling hers away and using it to cup her mug. I was initially curious at her reaction but dismissed the thought as she started to speak again.
“How long are you here for?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “There’s a lot of things up in the air right now.” A lot of things meant her. Lilly didn’t know it, but whether or not I stayed in Bryer’s End was completely dependent on the result of this meeting.
“Right,” she said, confused. “Have you spoken to Alex?”
“Of course. She offered her place for me to stay, actually.”
“Oh?”
“I didn’t take her up on it,” I quickly responded. “I had already agreed to stay with Amir.”
Lilly’s expression softened ever so slightly. Even though the four of us— Lilly, Alex, Amir and myself had all been friends from college, Alex and I still had a romantic past. Lilly had always struggled to move past it. The news that I wasn’t staying at my ex-girlfriend’s place seemed to bring her relief. I took her jealousy as a positive sign.
The barista set a mug of bold-scented coffee in front of me. I thanked her and took a sip, allowing the bitter taste to envelope my tastebuds. I then looked up from my mug to see Lilly staring at me.
“Do I have something on my nose?” I joked.
She chuckled. “No… it’s just that I…” She looked down at her tea. “I’m... sorry.”
I furrowed my brow. “Sorry for what?”
Lilly took a deep breath and continued. “I’m sorry for not trying hard enough… at the long-distance thing.”
I paused for a moment before putting the hot cup of coffee down. “No. It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was,” she demanded, looking back up at me. “I stopped talking to you. I became distant. It was me.”
“Lilly,” I began, gently, “it was a Global frigging pandemic. Your mother was in the hospital and we didn’t know if she’d make it. A guy you only just started dating a month before had to move back to his hometown to look after his elderly grandparents. The world was a shitshow.”
Lilly looked back down at her beverage as I spoke. When I finished, silence filled the space around us. Only the sounds of soft chatter from other patrons hummed in the distance. After what could have been hours she spoke again, her voice almost sounding forlorn. “A guy I only dated for a month?”
“You know what I mean,” I said, calmly. “Officially dated.”
“Right,” she nodded, still frowning ever so slightly. We both knew very well that what we had with one another began long before I finally got the courage to ask her out.
After a slight pause, her eyes lit up as if remembering something. “Oh, I almost forgot,” Lilly said as she reached into the black purse beside her. Curiosity tickled me, causing me to sit straight up in my chair and lean closer to her. Her hand finally emerged with two very familiar looking objects. They were two almost-identical glass penguins. The only difference between them was the names painted on each of their bellies. I recognised them instantly.
“Harry and Sally,” I said smiling. I had given them to Lilly before I left as a nod to her favourite film When Harry Met Sally. We had said we were the real-life versions of the characters, after being friends for years before falling in love. They were penguins because on our first date we went to the aquarium where we spent ages admiring the penguins swimming and waddling around on the ice.
Lilly handed the figurines over to me and said, “I want you to have them.”
My heart dropped in my chest. I shook my head and pushed her hand away forcefully. “No, I gave them to you.”
We exchanged eye contact and for a moment it was two years ago. There wasn’t a pandemic or any suffering at all. It was just Lilly and me about to start the romance of a lifetime...
Her eyes ripped away from mine forcing me back to reality. “Darren, I—”
“Let’s start again… where we left off,” I pleaded, gently grabbing her arm. “I can move back to Bryer’s End. I’m making good money as a freelance writer now so I can live wherever I want. We can finally have a chance at a future together.” She stared at me as I spoke, her body completely frozen. “These last two years have been hell without you, Lil. I’ve missed you… I’ve missed my best friend.”
“Darren, I…” she began after a heavy silence. Her voice was barely audible. “I’m... dating someone else.”
It took me a couple of moments to fully register what she had said, but once I did, her words were a dagger in my gut. I could feel my heart ripping apart inside my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she continued, “it just sort of… happened.” She interlocked her hand with mine, which had lost all colour. I could only imagine my face looked equally as white.
“How did you meet him?” I croaked.
“Her. It’s a she.”
“Oh.” Lilly had told me she was pansexual at the beginning of our friendship, although it was a fact I had completely forgotten about until that moment.
“She’s a nurse at the hospital,” she began, “when my mom was really ill I couldn’t go in and see her so Melanie had to call me to give me updates. She was really sweet over the phone. Her calls became regular and we got to know each other…”
“That’s why you became distant with me,” I said. It all made sense. About two months into the pandemic Lilly started cancelling our video chats and ignoring my texts. She let our relationship fade because she was distracted by someone else.
“I’m sorry, I should have said something,” she pleaded, tears emerging from her eyes. “But I didn’t want to hurt you… the way you spoke about our relationship, it was like you believed we were soulmates or something. I didn’t want to break your fantasy… because… because... there were some moments I thought we could be, too.
“Could be what?” I could feel the coldness of the words as they left my mouth.
She looked at me, tears staining her face. “Soulmates.”
I broke my hand away from hers and cupped my face in my hands. “Soulmates don’t exist.”
Another heavy silence stung between us. My eyes were still glued to my hands when she spoke, this time, more valiantly. “I’m sorry, Darren. I was a coward.”
I didn’t respond. I just sat there, unable to speak or move.
“I understand if you don’t want to talk right now,” she continued. “It’s a lot to process.” She stood up, grabbing her coat. “I’m going back to mine. If you want to meet up before you fly out I’d love to see you again. I miss my friend, too.” With that, she walked out of the café, leaving the two glass penguins sitting on the table.
As I approached Amir’s apartment it had started to snow. All I wanted was to go inside and crawl under the warm bed sheets, but I knew my friend would be waiting inside wanting to chat. He must have known about Lilly long before I arrived back in Bryer’s End.
Amir was sitting watching the basketball game with a beer in his hand when I walked through the door. He sat up on the sofa, promptly turning off the TV.
“How did it go?” he asked with sincerity.
“As good as you can probably imagine,” I replied simply, heading to the fridge. I was suddenly craving a beer, as well.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Lilly,” Amir said. “She made me promise not to say anything.”
“I’m not mad at you, bro, don’t worry,” I sighed, taking my first swig of the cold liquid. I knew the position Amir had been in was awkward. If anything, I was mad at myself for clinging to an idealisation for two years. How could I have been so stupid?
“If it makes you feel any better she hasn’t been able to shut up about you ever since she knew you were coming.” Amir was standing now, his tall lanky body walking towards me.
“That doesn’t make me feel better,” I said plainly.
“Oh…” He looked down at the floor. “She really missed you—we all did.”
“Yeah, well… at least you guys had each other.”
Amir looked at me, sadness in his eyes. After a few moments he said softly, “she’s really happy with Melanie.”
I sighed. “Great.”
“No, really,” he insisted. “After you guys broke up she was miserable. I’ve never seen her so upset. Especially after what she went through with her mom… Melanie helped her through it. I mean, we all did… Alex and me, I mean. But Mel was really there for her.
Mel. He used the short form of her name. That’s how friendly she apparently was.
“I don’t know, I finally said. “It’s just a lot for one night.”
Amir nodded. “I understand.”
With one last swig of my beer, I headed up to the spare bedroom where I started getting undressed. I felt the hard surface of glass in my jean pockets. I took out the penguins and looked at them for a good few minutes. Harry and Sally. They were best friends who fell in love with each other. They were supposed to be together forever. Penguins mate for life, after all.
I awoke the next morning with the sun beaming through the bedroom window. The events of the previous evening swarmed in my head like hot lava. The first things I saw when I opened my eyes were the penguins standing on the bedside table. I sighed and slowly got out of bed. I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Lilly’s place wasn’t too far from Amir’s. We used to walk back and forth between the apartments repeatedly when I lived in Bryer’s End. It had snowed a good two inches overnight and my boots were soaked by the time I reached her building.
“Darren, what are you doing here?” Lilly asked when she opened the door. She was wearing her floral housecoat. I suddenly realised it was still probably a bit too early to be making unexpected house calls.
“You invited me, remember?” I replied with a grin.
She laughed. “I did.” It was obvious she wasn’t expecting me to be this cordial. “It’s good to see you. Want to come in?”
I shook my head. “No, I just came to give you this.” I held out my right hand which clutched one of the penguins.
She frowned. “I told you I wanted you to keep those.”
“No,” I shoved the penguin in her hand. “You keep this one. It’s Harry. I want you to keep him… to remember me. And I’ll keep Sally to remember you.”
She looked at the glass figurine in her hand, a smile again reached her ears. “Thank you.” She squeezed it tightly and looked up at me. “I’ll take good care of him. Promise.”
A tear rolled down her cheek which I swiftly wiped away. After a long embrace, I left her there, holding the penguin. A lump formed in my throat as I walked away from her building. Maybe Lilly and I weren’t meant to be soulmates in the romantic sense. Maybe we were just meant to be soulmates as friends. That was enough for me. It had to be.
The End